Bais Yakov maidel
I think at the root of things you have sfeikos in Emunah and you need to figure out why it is that you got to this point. There may be things you did and are doing in your life that are causing you to have sfeikos in Emunah. Certain aveiros cause sfeikos in Emunah and the person thinks they have valid questions but really their doubts stem from these issues. I think you need to speak to a competent Rav and or Rebbetzin who can answer your questions as well as maybe guide you in some areas in your life that need improvement. Our Torah is complete and perfect and there’s answers to all the questions (at least the ones that are muter to ask) and learning Gemara is not the answer to your questions. Asei lecha Rav. Call Rebbetzin Jungreis or Tzipora Helper.