BaalHabooze, that is a great volt!!! Good reminder to open your heart and your eyes to what true cheesed is all about, and how to stop judging others, be accepting of others, be understanding, soften your heart, etc.
scissors, thank you. About losses, you try to let go of the pain by remembering the love and holding on to the amazing memories. Hashem is in charge and we can’t argue with his plans we have to learn how to accept them. Of course it hurts, I just finished my year of availus for my mom and my arms ache to hold her and hear say “I love you more”. No one makes you feel more loved than your mom no matter how old you are. But I had to let her go. It was her time, she was B”H 90 and she was ready. I have to hold on to the love and let go of the pain. I have to respect her and do everything in my power to honor her and my father and make them proud of me. When I do my cheesed I do so l’zecher nishmas. Sometimes when I work with a particular client, or I have to raise money for someone I smile up to the heavens as I remember my father-in-law who used to collect for his chaverim in E”Y. I feel connected to him and as though he put me up to it. It is not an easy thing to do and I never understood how he could do it when he was alive. It was quite an undertaking.
Keep the good memories alive by talking about their wonderful middos and the wonderful things they did and remember that they don’t want you to mourn their deaths, they want you to celebrate their lives. There is only room for the one niftar in the kever, no one else is allowed to jump in with them. There is a time for mourning and then we must get on with our lives and honor their memories and that is what I try to do.