Pay attention to all your students, even those good quiet ones sitting in the corner who appear to be the most frum, aidel, tznius, etc. ESPECIALLY to the good quiet kids sitting in the corner. Those who maybe aren’t the loudest, who aren’t openly rebelling. (For those that know me, this is not about me, it’s about a friend.)There are so many girls who are hurting for whatever reason, and because they don’t outwardly rebel, because they aren’t the most popular, because they make the teacher uneasy, because the teacher can’t imagine how this sweet good girl could have anything but the perfect life, because of a thousand and one reasons. Everyone speaks about “at-risk” and the need to pull them back. What about those who don’t appear to be “at-risk”? We had questions. We wanted out. And real hurt is knowing that if you just unbuttoned that button or pulled that skirt up a little higher, you could’ve gotten help. It’s knowing that because you didn’t just have questions and leave it all, because you instead looked things up, researched, discussed, and decided that Judaism is real, and you weren’t going to leave it just because you were hurting, you couldn’t get help. It’s making a decision to stick with the emet even when “the truth hurts.” Imagine having to research everything on your own because you had classmates who, nebuch, were falling through the cracks and you were the perfect aidel knaidel so your questions weren’t as important.
For so many it wasn’t, isn’t an intellectual need. People leave a place because a need isn’t being met. People go off cuz a need is there. Rarely is it from intellectual misunderstandings. (it happens, but more often the underlying cause is emotional.)
That’s how we end up with all these robots. Do you know what it is to go through four years of high school not feeling the part but acting it perfectly because you know it to be true but there’s nobody there to listen? You’re a good kid, you don’t need help.
You want to know what to do to help? Listen to the silence. It’s the things that aren’t said, the ones that aren’t blatantly in your face, that say it the most. Silence hurts.
Don’t think the exterior says it all. Everyone needs a kind word every now and then. Everyone needs praise or recognition for something. And nobody wants to be the good quiet kid in the corner for the majority of their elementary and high school years. It hurts.
Kiruv krovim became a big deal at one point. But only, apparently, for those whom it was deemed necessary. Don’t judge, you don’t know.
end rant 🙂