Might I suggest that someone who did not receive enough respect growing up may need an extra dose of respect to balance them out until they find their way back?
No. An extra dose of respect causes them to feel that they are entitled to live an OTD life because of their painful chilhood/teenage years. Respecting their negative life choices only feeds this feeling of entitlement for their OTD life choices. It does NOT cause them to return.
I’m puzzled as to why they should be shown “an extra dose of respect until they find their way back?”
“Until they find their way back?” Then they are not deserving of an extra dose of respect?! I would give a baal teshuva an extra dose of respect. Baalie teshuva have the courage and wisdom to do the right thing. THEY DESERVE RESPECT.
Respect is not given to those who have potential of greater things. Respect is given to those who became greater people.
OTD should not be mistreated while they are OTD and they should know that we are pained and are awaiting their return to Yiddishkeit but we should absolutely not respect their OTD life choices, but absolutely respect their decision to become baalie teshuvas.
1. we do not minimize the magnitude of fearing sin and loving Hashem by doing His mizvos.
2. we give them an incentive to change, rather than them FEELING EXCUSED for their OTD life choices because of their painful expeiences.
However ultimately whatever their choice is up to them. However the eternal values of Yiddishkeit must be upheld! Yiddishkeit is the reason for our existance!
When a person isnt respected, they tend to not respect themselves which leads to all kinds of problems. The way to help and heal such a person is to show them lots of respect. There are many stories of Rabbeim who had students who werent doing to well and every time the kid asked a question in the learning the Rebbi acted as though it was a great question. He gave the kid extra respect and kavod and eventually the kid went on to excel in his learning.
Yes, when a person isn’t respected they have a good chance of developing low self esteem. But it is not something that always happens. Some people react to that in a different way.
Now ironically, the way to build up self esteem is not by respecting a person who makes bad life choices even if they have low self esteem, because you are showing that person that you don’t expect better behavour from them because he’s really a weak person.
The way to build up self esteem is to show that you believe in them that they are really strong people, they can overcome their diffucult past and rise above their challenges and make correct choices.