I have worked with the “at risk” population for many years and have had much nachos from all the children I have been connected to.
So let me begin with this. NO ONE but HASHEM has the right to “JUDGE” anyone. HASHEM is the one that gives each of us nisyonos for his own reasons and he is the one who judges whether we pass them or not. NO ONE knows why he does this or why he chooses to whom to give which nisyonos.
It is OUR job to be oved Hashem and in doing so or better yet “choosing” to do so, we must learn to love AND respect HIS children. ALL of them, every age, every size and in whatever condition they are. We might not respect the choices Hashem’s children choose to make. WE have to trust in Hashem and understand that the choices that these children and/or adults make today may not be (with Hahsem’s help and the help of others) the choices they make tomorrow or further on down the line. A lot of the choices they make may have a lot to do with the respect and love each and everyone of us give to them as WE pass through THEIR lives.
Do you understand? By judging them and putting them down we turn them off and push them further and deeper into their black hole and dark journey. By judging them we give them more fodder and more righteous indignation for doing what they have chosen to do. By showing them why WE are right and they are WRONG we are showing them how pretentious WE are instead of showing them our enormous bitachon and emunah in Hashem that HE will work out his relationship with them and bring them back.
On the other hand by trying to understand their pain and frustration; by sharing their pain and helping to diminish it; by showing care, concern and compassion, WE demonstrate the true meaning and beauty of yiddishkeit and what it means to be a true Jew, an ohev shalom, an ohev Yisroel, a ben adom l’chaveiro, the true meaning of yiras shamayim. By showing another Jew that WE are not going anywhere, that we love them and we are here for them and will always will be here for them with open arms and open doors because we know that Hashem will help them heal the pain they are experiencing and they will heal the relationship that seems to be on the rocks right now either between them and Hashem or them and the frum community or the religion itself. We also realize that they did not go off the derech overnight it wasn’t an easy decision to turn their backs on what was once the only life they knew, what was as equal to them as eating, sleeping and breathing and they will not return overnight in one fell swoop. It will take time, and it is a process that is different for different individuals, step by step.
So please stop judging who goes off the derech for which reasons and why they “choose” to do so. Kids that go off the derech don’t always “choose” to do so. They are sometimes pushed and shoved by family situations or situations in Yeshiva. They don’t have enough self-esteem and/or self-confidence to overcome the pain and frustration foisted upon them and they don’t know where to turn and who to turn too. When that pain explodes they don’t know who to blame. They blame Hashem, they blame Yiddishkeit, they blame ALL of us. If it is a yeshiva issue then parents should understand that whatever they do, they are not doing it to hurt you. It has nothing to do with you and you need to work on separating your own pain from your child’s pain. And as we all know it happens to kids from all walks of life. MO, Chareid, wealthy, poor, plain families, Yeshivish families, Rebbe’s children, banker’s children, baker’s children. Hashem tests everyone. Yes even mechanchim’s children.