I’m sorry AYC, I’ve been busy and didn’t have time to look here.
Understanding that we have choices is the first step.
Understanding that we can only control ourselves and not others is the second.
What can we do (I do) in a situation I have no control of? Should I just accept the way things are? Is there anything I can do to fix it? What kind of support would I need to accomplish this?
If there is no way to fix the situation, do I just accept it? Do I allow this situation to ruin my life and continue to hurt me? Do I choose to recognize that there is nothing I can do about it but choose to give it over to Hashem. Hashem is the ultimate score keeper. He will either make her stop or punish her for what she is doing. Do I have the faith and bitachon to allow Hashem to handle this for me? Do I choose to cut myself loose from this pain and distraction in my life and forgive her so that I can move on and forget about her? Or am I going to be so caught up in it that I allow her not only to control the situation but to control my life and be a part of it, hurting me every day?
I am in control of MY own actions. I can choose what I want to do. I can choose to NOT allow this person to drag me down into her nonsense. I have three choices here. 1. I can choose to confront her either alone or through halachic or legal means to attempt to force her to stop. 2. I can allow her to control me and my emotions till she chooses to stop on her own. 3. I can make a choice for myself and give this up to Hashem to deal with and cut her out of my life.
When we choose to move forward and not stay stuck in the past or in the bad feelings or the bad situation, the people around us react to the change in us. In other words if someone else mentions her the reaction would be “I would rather not discuss her, she is no longer a part of my life. Yes I know she talks about me, but for the life of me I can’t understand why and don’t plan on wasting any energy trying to figure that one out.” What will your friends think of that change? After you say it a few times, do you think your friends will still bring her up in conversation?
If you keep telling them that you don’t forgive her or will never forgive her, they will try to make peace, or subconsciously bring her name up to see your reaction. If there is no reaction, there is no purpose in bringing her name up. So if you choose to move on and say “I have moved on lets change the subject”, that is one thing less they have to yenta about. You will be putting out the fire at your end and eventually she will have to find another topic or victim for her nasty attitude.
How do you do it? It is YOUR choice. You have to choose.