For those of you who are confused, I arrived in Israel on August 27th, 2012 on the El Al flight with almost every seminary.
That may be true, and I was just given a big mussar schmooze about how I have been speaking lashon hara about the program and that I was not actually “kicked out” but my feeling is that the reason that I am interpreting this as being “kicked out” is because I was told that I needed to raise $12,000 by the end of the year in order to stay, and that if I left before Pesach, that I could pay off a significantly smaller amount after I start working and earning money, and that I should go home in order to make money so that I can come back in September.
I am pretty sure that saying that sort of statement is sugar coating some stuff, and that people want me to live in the “fantasy” that I am a great girl who messed up big time, and since she is not wealthy, can’t stay here. I know I messed up this year big time in several areas, but at the same time, I was not the only one who messed up big time, and, since I am the center of this situation, I am going to suffer the brunt of it. My mom said that there is no way she is willing to send me to Israel again as a result of this. Last time I checked, I never said I was going to sue this program, however, I know that I told the director that I would have to go into debt, and at the time, I did not know how much, but that it could either be no debt, or an extremely high amount of debt (which is ended up being) and that it would take time to negotiate how much money I would get refunded, and other things of the like. I was accepted and joined this program because I was under the impression that the people in charge understood this, and to me, the first paragraph is not realistic, and the fact that I am leaving this program, in many aspects, is turning my life upside down, and that is causing me a ton of stress, and making me, physically sick, I am literally having stomach issues again, and a fever.
Even though this program has been very accommodating of me in certain aspects, some of those accommodations were not appropriate at all and made me feel stupid, and other ones weren’t exactly perfect, meaning, when I go out with friends, nothing drives me nuts more than constantly getting phone calls from people who say that they are calling to make sure I get back (I understand that they are responsible for me, however, I have a very independent type of personality, and I feel that people don’t trust me if they are constantly calling me when I go out).
The reason that I am going to be leaving this program, and why I left the first seminary, is because I never should have been accepted into those program because the hanhala from both schools ignored critical pieces of information that I mentioned during my interviews with both schools and then after being in their program, I found out that I needed to leave because even though I was told one thing, they thought the reality was different, and that I could just magically either not be learning disabled anymore, or magically come up with a large amount of money. If I needed to create my shidduch resume today, I am not sure if I would even mention that I went to seminary at all, but that also creates the dilemma where I need to figure out what I would put down that I ended up doing this year.