“Compounding the problem is the fact that frum society will call a bachelor with a career and his own home a “boy” even if he’s in his thirties.”
Well @RebDoniel this is because you can make no “real” contribution to yidishkite until you and your future wife start popping out the next generation. Because until you’ve dealt with the stress of living a “real” heimishe life, your opinions and accomplishments are the equivlent of a child getting an “A” on a history test…i.e. meaningless in the long run.
The infantilization of young people (especially women) in the frum community is absolutly tragic.
You should seek a community where you are appreciated as you are and not what you arent. Quit seeking the approval of people/a community that dont consider you a member of Klal Yisroel in good standing lechatchila.