i havent read other peoples posts so i dont know if i am repeating something already mentioned but im gonna mention it anyway. frumgirl, i dont want to come across harsh, i am totally on your side here and i will explain why……your idea is great and kol hakavod for putting it out there….. but…. unfortionatly your system will never fly. like you, back when i was in shidduchim i was out to try to change the system and give girls more of an “upper hand” to help out with the so called “shidduch crisis”. i wrote a letter to yeshiva world editor which was posted march 4, 2008 before the coffee room days (under my old screen name unopinion8ed). my idea was called “shidduch exchange” if your interested in reading it. it also got printed in the country yossi, yated, and hamodia. i received so much criticim both on ywn and through email from lots of people, mostly from the boys themselves. i wanted so badly for my system to get implented. i was on the phone and at my computer for countless hours trying to reach out to rabbonim, shadchanim, and askanim for help. unfortionately the boys will always have the upper hand when it comes to shidduchim. although some shadchonim agreed to work with my idea, shadchanim as a whole will never do it your way and for good reason too. becuase girls are too senstive and emotionally invested in a shidduch even before anything happens. imagine you hear about your dream boy, wonderful things, everything you wanted and more. all the references check out etc etc… you call the shadchan back with an eager yes only to find out in a few days hes not maskim! do you know how many times your name has been sugggested to a boy only for him to say no and his name never once came across your way? how lucky you are not to know!!! like i said girls would not be able to handle all the initial rejections because they are too sensitive and too emotionally involved in a person they never met. boys are not. and that is why this system is fine the way it is. i wrote that letter when i was 23. i got married when i was 27. it wasnt easy. nothing about shidduchim is easy. but i came to accept that no matter how messed up this system is, theres a reason it works and everyone still gets married at their destined time.
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