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ubiq- If there is one thing I am sure about, it is that the universal mesorah for limud haTorah, in all but perhaps the Karrite communities of Apikorusim, is not to create our own interpretations of psukim. Meforshim are much smarter than you and I, and they tell us how to understand the pasuk correctly. That being said, you are arguing with almost all the meforshim on the page. If you have another chazal that interprets the pasuk differently, please share it. Otherwise, you can’t baselessly argue with chazal to support your own opinion… well… I guess you can, but you’d be wrong.