dveykus613: May I stsrt by saying that I admire you very much. You have sacrificed a lot in life and I just hope that your husband is thankful to you and that he will make you and his familiy proud.
That said, you pointed to the main argument in this discussion (BTW- your quote about nine and three refers to the shemonei esreh where chassidim spend nine hours davening and three hours doing their daily work) Very few people actually want kollel banned. This is nonsensical. What many people complain about-as you can see from this blog-is that every Moshe, Chaim and Mechel must learn in kollel and not just for a year or two but his whole life! That system clearly is irresponsible and goes against what has been tsaught for millenia by our Tannoim,Amoroim and rtishonim.
And then the ones who actually support these Mosdos get rejected in yeshiva and then approached- very cynically- in later life, for money. This is where the resentment comes in.
As far as your quote about our present chachomim-I am not going to enter into a new argument about emunas chachomim but you must know that all the chassidische rebbes and groups are very ambivelant about this and they had to be dragged into accepting the kollel system. Hhassidim,by and large, go to work and contribute. SO, it depends who your chochom is.