Continued: Clothing
Why do frum men need haircuts more often than goyim or non-frum men? Is there something obvious that I’m missing?
I can’t yet comment on the cost of cleaning men’s clothing, having only been married a few weeks. I do know that for buying it in the first place, you can find inexpensive white shirts, black pants, and ties at TJ Maxx. They do not sell suits or blazers. For that, my husband likes Joseph A. Bank, which is high quality and often has good sales.
You mention that dressing the “right way” and taking shidduch dates to the “right places” can be social suicide. I have to say that if your friends expect you to spend money on these things, you’re in the wrong circles. Find a community that won’t judge you for economizing. Much of my clothing comes from hand me downs, secondhand stores, and discount stores. My first date with my husband was a stroll around a college campus (free). I think our second date was July 4 fireworks (also free). Dates do not have to involve food and certainly do not require full meals. I’ve had a number of shidduch dates in coffee shops and ice cream shops. Any girl who needs you to spend lots of money on her is not worth marrying.
$200K? Maybe. I don’t know what the number is. I do know that there are resources in the community to support you when you are struggling. There are gemachs for everything under the sun. Shuls, schools, mikvahs, etc. will often accept “whatever you can pay” if you explain your situation. Your local federation will offer job search assistance and resume review for free. And if you are truly needy, c”v, there are many frum organizations that will discreetly help out with cash and food.
You can save money on food and clothing without feeling in want. As far as hiddur mitzvah, consider how you can be mehudar in small but noticeable ways. If you are being supported by family or the community, consider whether now is the time to spend on extravagant hiddur mitzvah which is not, after all, halacha.
As far as “backwater, yennevelt communities”: New York is not the be-all, end-all. If you live out of town, so to speak, you will save a bundle on rent and can use that money for other expenses and “extras” that you would otherwise not be able to afford. You will also have a larger tzedakah budget. I am not suggesting that you move to Montana (I don’t think there is even a Chabad there) but you will be surprised by the vigor and beauty of smaller communities if you give them a chance. My husband and I are investigating several smaller communities to settle down in when he finishes law school. It requires a lot of research. Call rabbis, ask around, do a Google search. The cost of living is significantly cheaper. What will you be missing out on? The smoke, the noise, the horrendous commute, the sky-high rent, the even higher crime rate? Listen, I know New York has its perks. That’s why I like to visit. But do your homework before you call a smaller community “backwater”.