Always runs with scissors fast: The situation you described sounds exhausting! When i was pregnant with my firstborn, I was scared of such a scenario. A friend of mine sent me a DVD of a show called ‘Nanny 911’. Basically its a show about families in dire need of organization and control of their kids. A nanny would come for a week and teach those kids and teach the parent(s). There was a lot of positive reinforcement, strictness in following up on consenquences, and charts.
After my children were born, I realize that following up on what you say is really important. If a child is told that they wont get a treat if they dont finish eating and putting their dishes in teh sink, dont give in no matter what method of emotion they use.
Charts work very well with children too.
Wishing you much hatzlacha…