It also makes sense to feed your kids, yet Rabbeinu Bachye lists feeding your children as one of the greater types of Tzeddaka. There is also a Mitzva of Mibsarcha Al Tis’alem, to take care of those who are close to you.
These Mitzvos are Din, and are about doing what is right and appropriate. When we return a lost item, it is not being extra kind. It is doing what must be done. All Jews are connected and we are commanded to love each other. But in application we see it playing out in different degrees.
Just as in Tzeddaka, we give some more and some less. If a person is a Meyuchas and is accustomed to honor it is a Mitzva to give that to him. Otherwise it will be missing from him. If you don’t supply a Gabbai for a regular person he is not missing anything.
The Torah uses the term Ahavta Larei’acha. The more Rei’ah, the more Ahava. Not because you want it but because it will be missing without it. This applies to more than immediate family. Every situation has to be addressed with its appropriate approach. For the complete stranger we have the Mishna, Hevei Mekabel Kol Adam Besever Panim Yafos, and Ma Disani Lach Lechavrecha Lo Saavid. Whereas for a Shidduch you have to make sure you will be able to love the person.