UBI:
you seem to continue to disregard the following (obvious) point form her observation.
“since generally the girls have the upper hand, they are usually first.”
you seem to reverse that idea and insist on saying that the ones who are first will thus have the upper hand…
This btw is also why by the non chassidim the boys are first. BECAUSE they have the upper hand.
As for your explanation why you can’t change the system. Please don’t give up so easily. NASI is only a few years old. Emes will always win. If you are convinced that changing the system will alleviate the crisis- go for it!!
If you think the system is this way because of NASI-then you are simply not being honest.
If you feel that NASI has made it harder for you to change the system (by erroneously suggesting that now the boys know they have the upper hand, and prior to NASI they didn’t) then know that your schar for changing the system will be all that much more.
For whatever it’s worth- I would suggest that the most effective and efficient way to change the dating system (if that’s what you are looking to accomplish) is to adjust the numbers.
but that’s just my two cents.
(my offer to explain what changed is still open, but I’ll only explain it if there is a clear understanding of the critical role that the imbalance of numbers plays in the shidduch scene.
When you are ready let me know.
By the way, Why do you think by the chassidim generally the shadhcan goes to the girls first and by the non chassidim to the boy first. And once you are at, what’s your pshat why this (i guess you believe) changed and it’s a recent invention to go to the boys first. This is simply because I’d like to understand your (erroneous) position completely.