When he was an elderly widower, Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian (“Lev Eliyahu,” 1876-1970) was a guest for dinner at the home of a certain couple. At the end of the meal, the couple had to excuse themselves for something that required them to leave the rabbi alone for several minutes. When they came back, the couple was astonished to find that the venerable and humble rabbi had, quietly and without any fanfare, washed and dried all the dishes.
REB YAAKOV SHOWS US HOW TO RESPECT A JEWISH WIFE
Rabbi Yaakov Kaminetsky was famed within his lifetime (1891-1986) for being a tzadik (one who fulfills all of the Torah). Three stories about him involve his saintliness in marriage.
A few years after his first wife passed away, Reb Yaakov (as he is affectionately called) felt ready to re-marry. He was about sixty. Reb Yaakov was Lithuanian and followed the customs of Lithuanian Jewry. His second wife was Polish and followed the customs of her section of Poland. Reb Yaakov, also, had a private custom of never eating dairy on Fridays. He said he had no idea why, but not eating milchigs (dairy foods) Fridays was a custom in his father’s family. He was confident that it had a holy basis and he observed it uncompromisingly.
He married his second wife shortly before the holiday of Shevuos. It is customary to eat dairy on Shevuos. As it turned out, Shevuos that year came out on Friday. His wife’s custom for the first day of Shevuos was to prepare a lavish dairy kiddush, and then serve a traditional meat meal after the kiddush. They were married such a short time that they couldn’t have possibly learned all of each other’s customs. The rebitzen thought that she would please her husband by preparing a generous dairy kiddush featuring that Shevuos favorite: cheesecake! Milchigs on a Friday!
Rabbi Kaminetsky came home from synagogue with a gathering of guests, all yeshiva scholars. When he walked in, his bride was proud as a peacock. She honored yom tov as if for a king. The house was nearly wall-papered in cheesecake! She had evidently spent enormous time and care, buying, baking and preparing a royal spread. It was obvious that her intentions had been extremely selfless and noble. Inside himself, he was aghast. While he knew he had to express delighted and appreciative surprise to his rebitzen, he was in a real dilemma. He had a vow never to eat dairy on Friday. He also had a vow to keep a wife happy. Not eating the milchigs would break her heart. Eating, and breaking the vow to never eat dairy on Friday, was not an option.
She said that she had to go into the kitchen to make some last minute arrangements. This gave him a moment to think. He turned to the three among his guests who were the greatest scholars. He explained the dilemma. “You three are Torah scholars. You can form a bais din [court]. You will do ‘hataras nedarim’ [the Torah court procedure for canceling vows, which may only be done under certain conditions – fortunately this case contained an allowable condition – ask your local orthodox rabbi if you have practical questions]. They finished the vow-canceling ceremony just in time. He ate his wife’s cheesecake.
Story number two about Reb Yaakov tells of him coming to a dinner sponsored by a major Torah organization. He was with Rabbi Shnayer Kotler, late Rosh HaYeshiva of the prominent Lakewood Yeshiva. Appreciate that BOTH WERE EXCEPTIONALLY HUMBLE MEN.
Both of these distinguished Torah giants were about to come in the main entrance of the banquet hall. Reb Shnayer said, “Let us not go in this way. I know of a back entrance. If we come in this way, everyone will stand up to give us honor. Let us not impose on an entire crowd.”
To his astonishment, Reb Yaakov said insistently, and surprisingly out of character, “Let us enter specifically through this main door.”
“But, why?” said Reb Shnayer, in amazement at his friend who was world-famous for humility.
“Our wives are in there,” Reb Yaakov replied. “When the entire crowd stands, this gives honor to our wives.”
Once Reb Yaakov, who lived in Monsey, was in New York City for a simcha. A young man from Monsey was asked to give the tzadik a ride home. He gladly agreed and eagerly introduced himself to the Rosh Yeshiva as his ride. Reb Yaakov said that he first had to inspect the car before he could accept the ride. He got into the back seat and sat for a moment. He then came out of the car and said he would accept the ride. The reason he went into the car first was to make sure the seat would be comfortable for HIS WIFE.
from Rabbi Forsythe shalom bayis website