“Personally I would rather have the nisayon of emunah over the nisayon of being disappointed.”
Having Emunah makes everything tolerable. I understand that when a person is in pain it is easier to blame it on the environment than to accept that it is a decree from G-d.
The worst feeling in the world is the feeling that G-d is not in control of the world. But even if things work out the way we want them to, that even good can happen coincidentally without G-d’s decree? I think that thought is terrifying.
Stay strong and daven that this process build your emunah instead of chas veshalom cause you to resent believing.
Beezrat Hashem both you and your zivug should be ready for each other very, very soon and Hashem should help you find each other and you should understand why you had to go through this struggle. And you should see Hashem’s expertise in every step of the process.