Let’s face a painful fact. The primary reason behind nearly every single case of OTD is REJECTION. This can exist in many versions. The obvious ones are the expulsions from yeshiva or school. But there are countless others. There are those who have been degraded and shamed, whether by parents, rebbes/teachers/menahalim, other adult figures. Included here are many presentations of inappropriate discipline. Some have been victims of bullies. Still some have limitations in areas such as learning skills, reading, social skills, and other areas of psychological functining. With many situations involving considerable difficulty in helping the children to compensate for these limitations, the child can be knocked for his/her handicap. Yes, teachers and rebbeim have a poor track record when it comes to withholding negative comments from talmidim. Parents are also guilty of doing this to their children.
So we are not only guilty of failing to provide the welcoming to a life of Ahavas Hashem, but we have also shamed them enough for them to choose to rebel. OTD kids are the victims. The adults in their lives are the perpetrators.
One additional thought. Parents are not perfect. Neither are mechanchim. However, the demands made on mechanchim by Chazal hold then to a higher standard. Here are a few examples:
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