BSD- “I do not understand the connection between that and that the person who brought about this betterment in you becomes a part of you”
Just like the cake that i make i love more, because by struggling to make it, i have to overcome my nature slightly. so to anything that is a cause for overcoming my natural/instinctive behavior becomes connected to my essence.
(see this idea of self expressed in even sheleima, of the vilna gaon)
by this logic any cause for change becomes impetus for love, including tochacha
additionally not all giving causes love (ie. if i give a million dollars to a homeless guy i dont love him, rather i despise )(or if one spouse gives so much to the other and the other spouse is a jerk, they will come to resent the other)
benignuman-it is from both
hirsh says hav is to give and all roots that start with the letter Aleph are talking about the individual. so it would be a giving of self