it’s hard, it is. Very. But so neccesary, and so helpful. Your rav ignores you when, in the street? Many do. But if you call and ask to speak to him, he definitely will speak to you, and if you want, meet you, and will help guide you. Or perhaps a different rav in the city.
The intern may be helpful then. If she can practically help too. Or else, a psychologist or social worker, as scary as that sounds. Its a sad truth, but your ‘mentors’ may have not known how to help, and thus felt beyond their scope, so left, or maybe they didnt really comprehend your hurt. Either way, it doesnt seem right at all. Maybe if such a thing happened again, you should pursue them again after a week break. But though its a hard situation, its not the hardest out there. A psych..will tell you straight out right away if they thought they cldn’t help.
You’re expressing thoughts, feelings, emotions, questions that ive had and have still
You might be surprised though to find out that one or more of your brothers found someone to talk to also. Telling one or two trustworthy people should not make it public knowledge at all, so it’s not exposing your family. On the unlikely chance it would? Then you could all get help and guidance to become a happier, close family, something noone will regret 5 yrs down the road.
The tears should not have to continue, though that ability to shut it off and smile is a very important one- keep it. A fake smile releases endorphins too! Your mother will be upset that you told about your family? Yes if she finds out, she may be. Mine was. Very. But its still worth it. And necessary. Her anger is from hurt, fear, but safety, care, strength comes first. You come before her broken emotional reactions. They arent coming from a healthy frame of mind, right? Chayecha kodmin. Don’t let the pain go on and on.