It would be so wonderful if we all had self control, or if you prefer, the confidence and tools to overcome our yetzer harah. Alas, for many,the yetzer horah is stronger.
Here’s another story of someone who fell, lo aleinu. (Aside from these printed in the brochure from which I quote, there are thousands more. Many thought they had the self control/confidence and tools…)
Hitting Rock Bottom
It was as if I was glued to my chair in front of the computer and nothing could entice me to leave it. And when I absolutely had to leave, i.e. to go home for dinner or the like, it was always with much reluctance, and I impatiently schemed how I could quickly return to the magic of the screen. Not surprisingly, this addiction came at a cost.
And then came Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year. At one point in the middle of davening, I paused to take stock of my ruchnius, or lack of same. I was overcome by a sudden surge of profound regret. I let my tears flow unabashedly as I thought about my abysmal state. Would Hashem ever forgive me? By motzei Yom Kippur I felt cleansed. I experienced a measure of tranquility that had eluded me for months.
Today, I spend much of my time doing teshuvah and being mispallel that Hashem forgive me for all that I have wrought. But I know only too well that the decadence and indecency that I have imbibed will not soon dissipate and will always come back to haunt me. I no longer have a computer, but I do have a BlackBerry, albeit with a J-net filter.