Actually, love is a very important element of marriage. However, the fact is that there are unfortunately people who do not know how do give love.
This has nothing to do with how long a person dates. I’ve seen this happening with Yeshivishe couples as well,where after they’re married one of them realizes that their spouse is simply incapable of giving them the amount or type of love they need and they didn’t realize that spouse would be like that until they got married. Or they both fell an emptiness in the marriage. Even with the longest engagement there are things things that are noticed AFTER marriage.
Now if the spouse that cannot give love, however that’s defined – I say it’s defined for each person differently-but let’s say for example, it’s emotional closeness and a spouse cannot give that, that’s no reason to run out and get a get.
Why not if that’s an ESSENTIAL part of a HEALTHY marriage? Because if that unloving spouse is basically a good, responsible person but doesn’t give what they’re expected to does not mean that that is grounds for divorce.
Do you know how many people did love each other when they got married and the love cooled down? So after 20 years of marriage they should divorce? And even after one year of marriage, that’s not a reason to divorce either. One should try to do hishtadlus and work on bonding to create love, it usually works but not always.
Unfortunately, this generation does not realize how serious a marriage is. As the Yiddish saying goes “vos es goyisht zich Yiddished zich” what is a goyishe concept becomes accepted as the norm by us Jews after awhile. Now there are long lasting marriages in the goyishe world but it’s becoming rarer and rarer to find young married couples that don’t divorce after a few years. The foundation of a strong society rests on strong family ideals of lasting marriages not short and loving marriages. America is becoming a weak, immoral society.
Jewish communities too, are strong if real and LASTING values are upheld, not emotional weakness, not broken families. Again with emotional or physical abuse, yes there definitely should be divorce, (and in other rare cases) otherwise the marriage should stay lasting!