“It is obvious that you have never done EXTENIVE research. We are asking things you are trying to figure out ON a date, we are trying to confirm BEFORE the date. Including middos, personality, chessed, compassion, love of children, affectionate nature etc. Everyone knows that a boy and girl on a date are on their best behavior. Dont you think that speaking to a boy or girls roommate, co-counslor, neighbor, etc pple that have seen him through thick and thin would bring you the most accurate info? Dont forget that boys and girls are on their best behaviors on a date. Then of course the boy and girl can meet to “spend time having meaningful conversation about their hopes and dreams, the path they want to follow in the future,the kind of family they want to raise. “
You are totally right – I never did ANY research, my husband and I met the boy my daughter was dating (whom she met in college in a very wonderful chevra of frum girls and boys), and saw that HE was a real mensch. I met his family and saw that likewise THEY were real menschen, we spent time together before they got engaged, getting to know him and each other. I didn’t care one whit what type of tablecloth his mom used, whether or not his siblings went to xyz seminary, what the grandparents did for a living, or whether or not they stack their dishes or remove them one at a time. I saw with my own eyes (NOT from hearing about it second hand from friends and family who have a vested interest in showing someone off in the best light) the kind of middos my now son-in-law has. I saw the derech eretz he shows his parents and us, and above all how he treasures my daughter and granddaughter. No one’s friends will say about him anything other than “he’s a top boy,” “she’s such a wonderful girl.” Otherwise, why would anyone give those people as “references,” (I HATE THAT EXPRESSION – it’s not a job interview). People are so worried about loshon hara, do you honestly beleive friends and relatives, roommates, dorm counselors, etc. will EVER say something negative?