most of what we know regarding Availus is minhag, minhag, did i forget to say minhag. I have sat shiva three times for family and have learnt to understand the extremities according to various situations. By the way just in case for those who choose to berate and spew negative rhetoric the bais hamikdosh hashainy was destroyed, yes you guessed it sinas chinam. I feel it necessary to highlight as it appears some of you have forgotten this.
Learning is challenging at best however if this is the end result of what our kollels are producing, such open and vial hatred then my friend i suggest you go back to learning basics.
This is not about taking sides, remember, this is a public forum. Behazlocho to all of you. By the way i have sat shiva more than, once,twice, three and four times. You ask your Rov and follow that minhag that is what makes Am Yisroel so great. Bottom line we must be mindful, and yes respectful of another person’s minhag even if we disagree. So go ahead and bring all the proofs from here and there it is still minhag,(translates to CUSTOM)