PBA: very wise post! though I would like to add:
The majority of people don’t want to hear anything or to be accused since they automatically switch off.
I once heard of a choshov Rebbi that came across a similar situation and waited 1 day before approaching the kid, and he told him the following:
” On my behalf, you know that I saw you XYZ … and you should know that I have no interest in publicizing this or letting anyone know about this. not your parents or your rebbi. just because I know you have the power to out grow and mature from the bahaviour.
On your behalf can you give me a little promise that you will try? “
And the rebbi said that by saying this he gave the kid also the comfort and trust that hes actions were not revealed to a community , and automatically hes heart was softened to listen.
And if im not mistaken Shlomom hamelech wrote in mishlei or maybe in the gemara they say not to tell someone off at the time that he sins / miss behaves. Aperson should wait a while
anyone remember the source?