SaysMe -“first of all, what difference does the wording betw those two make? why would one be muttar and the other assur? to embarass additionally, and without basis or knowledge of truth in her words, no.”
I frankly don’t know who you are talking about – the OP or the relative? You aren’t coherent. The OP you can say that line about the relative -there is nothing wrong with embarassing her because she does this Aveira all the time (her words, not mine).
The relative I already posted above (if you read my posts before commenting on them???) – “And I’m pretty sure that that comment is Mutter, unless she was putting down the relative and not just the OP!”.
So the difference between the wording is -if the lady said -“how much pain i must be causing a relative of mine, by dressing like that..”, this isn’t embarassing the relative as opposed to saying -“her relative should be ashamed of her”, which might be embarassing to the relative.
I just realized – that if you think that you aren’t allowed to embarass the OP perhaps because you are mixing up two Halachos.
The Halacha that would apply here is in C.C. Chap. 4:7.