sam4 & popa: if I drove a motorcycle around my block on shabbosim, would you be surprised or have a taina if one neighbor told another how bad that is?
Huh? Yes, I would. That is called lashon hara, and no amount of self righteous indignation is going to change that.
Would you be upset at them as much you are with the lady at the op’s chasuna?
Yes.
And should I be given tochacha for giving in to my yetzer hora to drive on shabbosim?
Yes.
How is the op’s case different than my hypothetical?
Because, she wasn’t given tochacha. Someone just told lashon hara about her.
If she had been given tochacha, it would probably have been done wrongly anyway, and we’d be having that discussion.