I overheard a discussion in shul some months ago in which someone asked why HKB”H listened to the tefilo of Yishmael, not Hagar, on which Rashi explains that the tefilo of a sick person for himself is preferred to that of another for him. Doesn’t this challenge the other Rashi that Hashem gives priority status to the tefilo for another? The suggested answer was to see what the posuk states was Hagar’s tefilo. “?? ???? ???? ????”, essentially asking to not have to witness the death of the child. This tefilo was not for the ???? but for herself. It may be natural to think of oneself when trouble with a family member exists, but it is unproductive. It does not help the one with the real problem, and it does not even help when this becomes a tefilo. So, yes, the parent might think of their own shame with regards to the child in trouble, but the direction and focus needs to change seriously to the real problem, not the side issues.
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