Ben Levi:
Wolf is correct. Therapists deal with the most difficult cases, many of which are on their way to divorce long before their forst session. There are many outside factors involved. What complicates the issue is that the marital therapist is only occasionally the first responder. The couple has likely turned to numerous others, and eventually they come to the therapist, with a good possibility of being misguided by these untrained do gooders. I don’t have a problem with an initial approach to the Rov, but that Rov must be aware of much more than his review of his favorite mussar sefer to know the limits of what he can do to help. He must move the cases that require to the appropriate level of care. He must also refrain from the taking sides and other such interventions that jeopardize the chances of reconciliation. The Rov can handle certain things, and should have training for this. But it is a greater and more important skill for the Rov to know when to refer the couple for other interventions. Sadly, too few know what to do. Intuition is just not enough.
The Rov with a 50% failure rate is in trouble. But having referred a consulting couple to a professional who is equipped is successful, whether the marriage is saved or not.
Yeshivos have a difficulty with examining their product. That a talmid completes HS and a few years beis medrash, then goes to Eretz Yisroel to yeshiva there is not indicative of anything. Same goes for the bochur that comes home for Yom Tov, and spends 12 hours a day in the nearby shul or beis hamedrash learning. It points to the academics, which are not the greatest portion of the needed chinuch. If the bochur helped his parents to prepare for Yom Tov, spent menchlich time with family, and reserved a chunk of time to learn, all the while behaving with midos tovos, then we have a successful product. But no one looks at this. We attend to their capacity to ignore the world while they learn for hours and write chidushei Torah. And these are NOT the traits that produced gedolei Yisroel through the generations. The yeshivos that dedicate themselves to working with children with issues are an additional step away from pointing to successes. Anyone with elementary knowledge of developmental psychology knows that children are not fully developed in psyche until the 20’s. Mental illness usually develop between ages 10-12 through early 20’s. Assessments during these years are provisional, since the evaluator is shooting at a moving target. Many of the children reflecting academic or learning issues have additional conditions without clear symptoms to allow for diagnosis or focused treatment. Same goes for the behavioral disorders – one does not know enough about them for a while. Success rates are difficult to measure, and setting the criteria to measure is even harder.
The current practices in chinuch bear little resemblance to that which was handed down through our mesorah. There are problems everywhere. There are issues in our children which are challenging, there are lifestyle and parenting issues that are alarming, and there are chinuch problems that are nightmarish. Whitewashing any of these is grossly irresponsible.