Dr. Pepper – thanks for responding. i agree with almost everything you wrote, especially about the shadchanim. the same pressure to go out and to go out again when it is not appropriate, and the lies, are told to the girls’ side also. Not only does it keep the boys and girls busy with dates not appropriate for them, it can cause them to get depressed and/or burnt out and not date effectively, which is not good for anyone.
my only comment about the island situation is that in “real life”, people do get divorced, widowed, come in from other islands, swim to other islands, change what they’re looking for, etc.
but your point about licensed shadchanim is excellent.