I am a 28 yr old single guy and dont come to this site often but stumbled upon this thread. i have a number of thoughts on this “situation” so bear with me and keep an open mind while you may not agree with all that I am saying understand I am from a frum more yeshivash family background whose very much machshiv torah and while I myself am working would go to no ends to help my future chirldren sit and learn because I beleive in that also realize that there are possible solutions as radical as they are.
First off to address why there are so many girls available I can tell you from experience for the most part its because they are misguided these girls have been told in seminary(ive heard this first hand from girls myself) that if a guy is not going to be sitting in kollel for at least a year or so after they are married there is something wrong with guy…now who says every girl is fit for a kollel guy in marriage and life a working uy can have the same Ideology without sitting and learning all day. These girls have it in their mind that this is the only way and dont realize till its too late that they are terribly wrong. Ive had girls say no to me because I am working I am 28 any guy that you would consider to marry even if he started to learn after marriage would be working by my age so whats the difference? and the guys that are sitting and learning at my age are usually for life and they are not interested in you(because not a good fit you are not that yeshivash!).
I can also tell you that besides for these misguided notions of learning boys you also have the girls who have demands other than that(too picky) years ago a girl would be thrilled when a guy came a calling let alone ask for marriage so where did this change? I am not saying that a girl should not be able to marry who she wishes but understand that there is a basic order(without being a sexist) I am not saying I havent done my share of NOs but then again I get read girls 3 times a week but I can tell you I have gotten more than my shares of NOs maybe I have issues i dont know but i do know I am a mentch so that should be priority number 1 for all girls.
Too say that there is no one to marry these girls I dont believe that I understand the numbers game but every girl I know has had probably two or three guys in their life that have come running after them with basic psychology these girls runaway from these guys I truly believe every girl has had a chance to get married but turned it downed because the guy didnt play it right. I can tell you first hand a number of stories where the girl couldnt stand the guy and eventually they got married and live happily. basically these girls need to take a step back and look at life as a whole and see where their priorities lie and get off their high horse and start being realistic like weve been saying the whole time theres a million fish in the sea so why would a guy settle for a whale!?
Now for the way controversial part 🙂 weve had a takanah for 2000 years about polygamy(which happened to end a few years ago) maybe theres a reason rabenu gershon set it for 2000 years maybe its not a coincidence that it just ended….Now I know all the arguments so save your breath…try handling one wife?…its a minhag we dont change minhagim….like I said its radical idea but can you argue it wouldnt solve this numbers game? forget about any pros and cons that you can bring it was done for a long time and was endorsed by god himself who knows maybe if yackov avenu was narrow minded rochel emeinu would be one of these girls we are talking about. i am not saying this an ideal solution but would love to hear responses to this.
anyways thats just the tip of my iceberg enjoy the reading and looking forward to getting blasted its good thing this is anonymous(it is right?) otherwise I may never get another shidduch.