Pumper, sorry just see your question now. Interesting. I actually am pretty comfortable. I think that Hashem created men like that for a specific reason, which I do not wish to go into at this point.
I am not saying that if someone has a temper he can ever ever say, ‘oh, hashem made me like that’. Because that’s a Middah that can and must be worked on just as someone that is lazy, selfish, or haughty.
This doesn’t either mean that a guy can walk in the street and look at whatever he wants. It is a lifelong struggle that will always be there because Hashem gave us that Yetzer Harah to work on. But in a kosher environment such as dating I think its OK.
So yes, we can work on focusing on more internal things. But for most of us it’s pretty impractical.
I look with great scrutiny on dates to see if the girl is polite to the waiter/garage attendant. Is she warm with her parents on the way out. Including countless other ways to see how she deals with people etc. Middos, communication, are obviously the number one thing in a marriage along with the proper chashivus ha’torah on whatever level you are looking for. But to ask me to change the way Hashem made us to not be into the external is not realistic. Even if a girl has the aforementioned qualities, if I am not comfortable (and yes, as I said before everyone has different standards, and must be realistic) then there is no chance it going. That’s how we are.
I like to think of myself as a guy with depth. Am I coming across as extremely shallow? Please let me know if you hear my view or think I’m way off. I’m always open to hearing criticism or another view. (Which is also something that I did and constantly do work on).
Memo, I hear you. But I think you or other girls should simply show the pic to a friend and ask if it portrays you correctly.