oomis –
Of course there are different levels in what is wrong. However, when it comes to arayos, normative halacha rules that even the slightest infraction is so dangerous that one should rather give up their life then risk going there. Even though going there would not be a capital offense. This is simply because of the recognition of the severity of what these things lead to.
At the same time, no human can judge someone who did not follow what Chazal said to do in such a case, because obviously no one can possibly know how they would react under such circumstances. In fact, even if someone succumbed and actually had relations with a married woman because there was a gun to their head, l’halacha we would consider the person a fine, upstanding Jew. Because the Torah says that a forced action doesn’t count. The rule of yehareg v’al ya’avor is only l’chatchila, not after the fact.
All this being said, as I wrote above, I do not believe there would ever practically be a halacha of yehareg v’al ya’avor with regard to anything but the actual act of giluy arayos, because everything else is subject to the feelings one has (i.e. derech chibah), and obviously when someone says hug me or I will shoot you there is no chibah on the part of the person with the gun to their head.
The one comment of yours I have an issue with is this:
would you feel the same way if it were your daughter?
You seem to imply that this halacha somehow affects women more than it does men. But it’s the same halacha for me as it is for you. If someone points a gun at me and says i must be with someone I am an ervah to, I am also required by halacha to give up my life. So I don’t know why you didn’t just write, “would you feel the same way if it were you?”