It’s a hard out there in the single world sometimes, especially when you have people (you don’t even know) bombarding you with a list of names of other single individuals, or asking you what type of guy you’re looking for, and then go into more personal questions.
Literally the year I finished high school I had people go to my mother asking what type of guy Im looking for, or telling her she knows a guys for me. First of all I never met this woman, so how would she know the guy for me? I also used to work in a kosher store in town, and I would have people telling me they have “the perfect” guy for me. MY response was, Sorry Ma’am, I am not looking right now. The look of shock I got from them was absolutely insane! Then they would proceed with questions like, how old are you, I would say I’m 18, and they would say, “and you’re not looking to date??? They were so confused! I did get married at 21 (we dated for over 3 months, even though we both knew we were meant to be only 2 weeks into it, then got married 3 months after that) , but before I had gotten engaged, people would say, oy nebach, that poor girl is STILL single. I was 21!! What’s the deal??
It’s sad when people start jumping to conclusions as to why someone could possibly be single over the age of 20! They start saying, maybe there’s something wrong with that person or something wrong with their family. Then there are some single individuals become so terrified and feel hopeless that they RUSH into marriage the first chance they get, without thinking about how great the commitment is to be married, and how many years they have to live with this person. If they “settle” for someone or marry for the wrong reasons, it can put great stress on the marriage.
I just wish they didn’t stereotype the single people who in their opinions are “getting old.” If you want a marriage to be successful, you can’t rush the whole process. Things take time, so let it be. A good friend of mine recently got married who is over the age of 30, and she is the most incredible, smart, sweetest, absolutely beautiful person I know, there was nothing wrong with her past, or who she was, yet people always thought negatively about her because of her age status.
Yes some of us are lucky to find our true soul mate, our besherit fast, but it takes time for others, and it’s not because there is something wrong with them, it’s just one of those things that happen, and sometimes take time. Be a little more sensitive towards people, especially when you don’t fully know this person. Once you start stereotyping these individuals, you make it even harder for them to find a mate, with all the fabricated stories being thrown around town.
Now onto having a baby back to back or waiting,
Every (respectable) OBGYN will tell a women to wait before trying to conceive until their bodies are recovered, and to make sure she is emotionally balanced. Some women recover faster then others.
Also, you should not rely on the government, or the community to support your entire family, so if there is a family who is terribly struggling financially, maybe they should wait until things get less overwhelming. The cost alone to have a baby is well over $20,000, and that is not taking into consideration, C-Section, or God forbid, complications. Plus a child needs a lot of attention for their mental and emotional growth, if you can’t handle more than 2 or 3 babies then having another one after another after another… is only harming the children. When you get married, and are starting a family, be responsible in your actions, talk to your Rav before making major decisions when you think you are obligated to do certain things.