PBA: Communal norms come up for a reason. In small communities, especially, it is very hard to have friends without being friends with their spouses as well. I agree that something would be strange about a large community in New York having looser norms, and maybe that is something for the community to work on, but it’s very hard to dictate norms to communities. Every community has such different dynamics and relationships with the outside world and therefore has different standards. And, hopefully, those standards came about through Shomrei Torah Umitzvos doing what they felt necessary to ensure that they and future generations remained Shomrei Torah Umitzvos. So I really feel like in most cases it’s not so appropriate to try and dictate standards to communities unless the community’s standards are clear violations of Halachah.
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