In general when I am asked for advice, I have to assess the situation AND the person asking me. What I would tell one person, might not be the best idea for the next one. Even the same person asking for advice, might need to be addressed in different ways at different tiems.
I just had that situation with a close friend who was having a problem with a child (an adult), and she was VERY angry about it. Sometimes, my friend just needs the “echoing” of her feelings. This time, however, I flat out told her that I could see how very upset she was by what had happened, but that if she responded to her child the way she intended, and as she indicated to me, she would be saying something to the child that could never be taken back – it would harm their relationship irreparably.
I asked her to think really hard about what I was saying, and that while I agreed that her hurt feelings had a justifiable component, she was not at that moment in anger, able to look at the situation through her child’s eyes, and that there was a justifiable element in that child’s point of view, as well. I asked her to strongly reconsider how she planned to handle the situation, and she informed me this week, that she DID think it over, her anger had thankfully abated, and she did not do what she was going to do, after all. I am greatly relieved, because I don’t want to see a lack of sholom bayis betweeen parent and child, especially over something that while disappointing to the parent, is really the child’s decision.