Reply To: what people look for in shidduch dating

Machoh timcheh – I, for one, do not believe only a “select few” should be in kollel. I think if you can, then you should, but you also have to deal with reality. If you can both happily manage on a kollel stipend and one salary then great. Otherwise, you need money to live in our day and age, and with the global economy the way it is, you need to have a secular education to stand a chance in the free market. It’s also important to do something you like, because if you’re going to be miserable being an accountant you might as well just go be miserable being a marbitz Torah. If you feel being in harbotzas haTorah isn’t for you, and you won’t be happy doing it your whole life then you should go and learn to make a living from something you enjoy, instead. Hashem doesn’t want a nation of roshei yeshivas, just like he doesn’t want a nation of Kohanim, or a nation of Leviim. We are all created for a different tachlis and our job is to serve Hashem by figuring out which way he wants us to lead our lives.

If you stay in kollel you likely won’t have time for a decent job, and if you have no job you can’t support a family. Hashem said “pru urvu”, Chaz”al say bli kemach ein Torah. What Hashem didn’t say is, “wear a white shirt and sit in kollel while your wife cooks, cleans, works three jobs and takes care of your 7 kids”. If she’s a “Rochel” and you want to sit and learn, then that’s the right thing for you, but if she’s not – then it’s an issur gamur to make your family live in misery and force them to make sacrifices that they resent because you think you need to have 3 sdarim.