First, my point is that the issur on mixed seating has nothing to do with whether boys can “restrain themselves,” it exists on its own and cannot be set aside on the grounds that “we are mature,” the women aren’t really dancing, etc. Second, by “oilem” I’m referring to those who are on the program, which by definition should be everyone who posts here. They are backed by countless examples of daas Torah holding that today, because of feminism, conservatives, MOs, and declining standards of conduct generally, things that could be excused a generation ago have become dangerous. So, saying that various gedolim allowed “x” in their time doesn’t create an everlasting heter or really a heter at all.
