Reply To: When a Wife Can or Cannot Demand a "Get"

Rav Sternbuch

Teshuvos v’Hanhagos (1:389):

However it appears that what is prohibited is to humiliate him and to shun him in a manner similar to cherem – i.e, not to do business with him and not to do him a favor – and that is not done today. (Chazon Ish understands the Pischei Teshuva differently). But when he is not actively humiliated but that he is only not given honors for example he is notified that he will not receive an aliyah in his shul or any other shul and that he will not be allowed to be the shliach tzibor – then this is not like cherem at all even though it causes some humiliation. The only pressure permitted is that he should know that the community does not approve of his conduct of being cruel to his wife – but this is not called force at all.

This that the wife creates pressure with the claim that he is tormenting her and she can not stand the situation any more and that she is ready to go to “rabbis” who are lenient in divorce – that is still not justification for us to make rulings against the Torah. The ways of G-d are hidden and some suffer physically while other suffering financially and some suffer in their marriage. We need to hope to G-d that the end of suffering has arrived and that he will divorce her. On the other hand, to force him with high payments for food or to humiliate him when it is not permitted – it doesn’t help because this pressure only produces a get me’usa – G-d forbid – which has no validity. But concerning cruelty and spite which is characteristic of Sedom – only Heaven can punish him.