I went through this a long time ago-it was a very serious relationship and i was totally involved. When it was over i really felt like my life was over-i know that sounds dramatic but that is the way i felt-i wallowed and obsessed-it was terribly painful-everybody was telling me to move on, and that i will grow-and forget etc, and they were all true, but i had to be ready to listen and internalize all the lessons, it’s not like i didn’t know they were right, it just had to come from me and in the right time-so keep on trying to work your way up to being able to deal, don’t beat yourself up for a bad day here and there, eventually you will be ready for tricks like ‘change the tape- don’t let yourself think about it, if it comes to mind just have 10 scenes ready that you can substitute. read the books that are out there like Trust Me, and you will see that u will have s’yatta d’shmaya and forge ahead. It will also help your tefillos as you will know what it felt like to be bent, imprisoned, and desperate, and you will thank Hashem for helping you to overcome. You should also try to be practical and accept the reality that you have to meet someone else, and the best way to be a desirable shidduch, is by being b’simcha and showing a warm and together picture to the world. This is a good motivation to help you show control, and acting in control is strong motivation for being in control. I wish you the best and may you find your true zivug b’karov.
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