oomis – Despite agreeing with the facts, I don’t see the basis for comparing the two and deciding on the more difficult. The physical hardships of the woman in no way diminish the emotional toll it takes on the husband.
Logician, I don’t doubt that many men suffer greatly along with their wives, from the wives’ mood swings and physical discomforts (more so, if the pregnancy chalilah is a truly difficult one, where the mother or baby’s lives are in jeopardy, in which case, yes, I think the emotional toll can be devastating on the husband, and he needs some TLC at such a time).
But the bottom line – she, not you guys, is going through these changes and trust me when I say it is no picnic for her, either, to be so moody and weepy and scared and nauseous and tired beyond belief and fat and with swollen ankles to match the swollen belly and really uncomfortable (can you imagine a little person sitting on your liver – it really,really hurts!) and did I meantion running to the bathroom every five minutes (and I mean that in the most literal sense in the last weeks of pregnancy). No matter HOW MUCH men think they are experiencing a great emotional toll (and I will cop to that being the case for many), they still do not have a reasonable clue as to what the pregnancy is really doing to their wives, even in the best case scenario. And the fact that any man could think of himself as being somehow victimized by an emotional toll (and when did it ever become about him?), demonstrates strongly that such a man even if he is a wonderful husband as I am sure you are, doesn’t quite get it.
After you become pregnant, break your water while on line at the check out counter, go into labor, and deliver a baby, I will empathize with your position a bit more. Until then, thank your Maker every day for not making you a woman. Oh wait, you do that already. Think about the fundamental literal meaning of that bracha. BTW, in case you are reading this as a mussar schmooze, it is not intended that way. I think that your way of thinking is pretty typical for most really nice, fine men. But try to remember that this is not about you. For once, it’s all about her.