tahini,
It’s very admirable that you are proud of your children for becoming more “yeshivish”. Many parents whose children have done so are antagonistic towards them, and certainly are not proud. You must possess extraordinary character.
I nevertheless disagree with the rest of your post.
“Chatting at a communal shabbaton or shul kiddush” is no different than the mixed Tashlich decried by the poskim.
As I’ve explained, the money issue is not, IMO, insulting, just practical. It would be a nice ideal to say that even more difficult shadchanus should be done for free, but surely, if the older girls were indeed being focused on, there would be no need for this initiative.
It’s quite admirable that your relatives who are doctors and lawyers (who, it should be noted, are usually considerably more well off financially than full time shadchanim) occasionally do work pro-bono, but it’s unfair to demand that of others.
passfan,
??? ????. The ??? ???? says the same, and quotes the ??? ????? that the ??? ??? did not allow his daughters to go to Tashlich on R”H for this reason.
The ??? ???? and ??? ???? are standard commentaries on ??? ?????, printed in many editions and quoted by later poskim.