ARWSF – My first and only recommendation is to get professional help. Shalom Task Force is a fine option, although they aren’t the only professionals out there. I know you are scared, but your situation needs intervention. Please do Not listen to any advice posted here or anywhere else, besides to seek professional help!
Even if the posters here are mental health professionals -you need s/o with hands on to deal with this.
I know what’s going through your mind -“this is the end of my life, my marriage, etc.” This is most likely Not the case. Early intervention can stop & fix the situation. Of course there are no guarantees, but this is what you must do for #1 your kids & #2 yourself. Getting the help your family needs Cannot & Will not make the situation worse!