my husband never pphysically abused me either..
he was tough on the kids if he ‘decided’ that they did somthing wrong they would get it with a belt after he did it twice I ‘assered’ him from touching ‘my’ children with a belt.. to the point where he ignores them totally and does not reprimand at all cuz I dont let him do it his way!
But he sure knows how to verbally abuse, to the point where they now do not go to shul with him, dont discuss anything with him, he wont drive them anywhere cus he says he’s not car service-even if its on the way to where he is going anyway..
always angry at everything! even when there is nothing to be angry at, he finds what to be angry at and scream so the entire block hears!
I could hear him yelling down the block when I am coming home from work or anywhere else, especially bein hazmanim when the boys are home. they dont answer back they just ignore and walk out. They sleep till late daven late and them make shabos seuda on ther own later.
Basically I made up my mind to have my own life.. I got a job. I cook ,take care of my children and there needs..go and come as I wish. Dont answer to anyone and I dont argue I stop the answering or having a conversation when I see I am gettig nowhere with the conversation. I am the one to takecare of everything in the house including registering boys in yeshiva k’tana and yeshiva g’dola. who knows what they think.. maybe there is no father…? when i speakto rosh yeshiva they askd me where is the father? i said he was out of town for business which he goes sometimes and thats when quiet reigns.. shabos is peaceful kids are home and we have nice meals.
the older kids grew wings, and when the going gets tough the tough get going.. they just leave and come home when they are sure the battle grounds are quiet..I also aim for them to go to a sleepaway yeshiva so when they do come home they are guests and its somewhat less arguing but usually not for long and the barrage of hateful critcism starts..
my husband realizes that I am disgusted with him and he asks me ‘how can I gain back your caring and trust?’ I answer him.. When he will truly love MY children..
but I am not sure when that will happen because as soon as I say that he starts defending himself that he really knows what he is doing so I tell him to go to any rov ar rebbe and ask them which system is the correct one mine or his.. he doesnt answer me and never went.. so the time passes and the kids are getting older and I give them whatever I can and kiss them and keep reminding my husband that kids need a mother and a FATHER!