To always runs: I feel your pain because I have been there, done that. I grew up in an eerily similar siutation. My father was a good person, but he was mentally ill with severe depression and an explosive temper. My mom tried to make it work, but this ultimately did not work to anybody’s benefit. She had her own problems and the situation took a toll on her health/webllbeing as well. This left us kids as virtual orphans with 2 living parents, living in a war zone. Not at all a good situation. The divorce was a relief for all concerned and gave us kids a chance to be healthy and whole, with a better relationship with both parents.
The Rabbonim that my parents asked for guidance/direction were woefully unequipped to deal with the complexities involved in such a situation, impacting on hashkafa, mental health, shalom bayis, financial, chinuch,etc. Lots of layers of issues to be worked through, requires experienced help (though of course Rabbonim should be consulted for specific halachic/hashkafic guidance). Interestingly, my mom reached out for help at one point early on, and was told by a mental health expert on abuse who labeled the behavior and told my mom that the situation was irrevocably broken. She did not feel strong enough to end things and the situation continued for more than 10 years beyond that. Yes, as their child, I wish they had divorced much earlier. It took a lot of therapy as an adult to recover, get perspective on my early years and get the tools necessary to build a healthy marriage and family, learn parenting skills, etc. B”H my siblings and I are all now middle-aged, and have been largely successful in this.
Please, please, please call Shalom Task Force, as they are experts on this type of situation and can guide/direct you to build yourself up and do what is necessary to improve this situation, either together or apart. Trust me, your children will thank you till 120!