I thoroughly enjoy reading the thoughts of the OP on this topic.
I have a personal experience as well on this issue.
I was ‘new’ to the community and wanted my children to get enrolled in school. I personally called up the principal and spoke to her and she said she’d ‘see’. In short, she never got back to me. I suppose the fact that I had Jewish kids who needed to be educated was not significant to her in her life/world enough to even call me back.
I wasn’t just ‘new’ , being baal teshuvas we were indeed ‘different’. We didn’t speak yiddish. We just weren’t the ‘same’. That really hurt. Some schools are like that.
Those were all the reasons ‘why’ i needed them even more than a regular person who wasn’t fussy about which “jewish day school” they want because I WAS IN FACT choosing ‘their high road’ to travel down and they weren’t welcoming. I feel like resentful that they are in the chosers seats.