I think it is the yetzer hora that tells you that because of who you are and what you do that you can’t seek help. It keeps you trapped and subject to it’s will (the yetzer hora, I mean). Obviously you feel that you will fall apart because you are being pulled in too many directions at one time. I’m sure the explosion of child abuse cases in the secular media in the past month are the cause for your recent nightmares, etc.
You must try to escape the yetzer hora’s trap and get some relief for yourself. Contact a professional like one of the ones mentioned above.