msseeker, I am not the one that said “it is part of growing up”. I am NOT male, so I am not one who knew about this in my youth or through my schools. My brother kept it from me, even my kids kept it from me. When I found out about it years ago, I went to my kids and asked them why none of them told me, and I asked my husband why he never said anything to me and they just looked at me and said “Really, you didn’t know?” And my come back was, “If none of you men told me how was I supposed to know”. Obviously they were all well aware and no one informed me!
I asked some of my chasidish women friends and they said “they are terrified that their young boys go to the mikveh, they wish they could stop them”. I was always curious why my boys stopped going to the mikveh and preferred to toivel Erev Yom Tov in the ocean, but I never asked. They said the mikveh was crowded and I left it at that.
Mseeker, there is no way of knowing just how widespread or common this is because the Rabbonim do not allow it to be reported, so the only way of knowing is to hear it from victims. If you go to a conference where vicitms are gathered and you see how many victims show up, you will be shocked. If you heard from Dov Hikind when he got a thousand calls and that was basically from Brooklyn, then there is reason to be shocked. If you heard from people who say they know of a molester who hangs out in a particular shul in Boro Park for decades and no one has chased him out nor reported him to the police you can surely be shocked. If you know from victims that this happens in the mikvas and no one has implemented safe guards in the mikvas you can surely be shocked. When you hear that there are men who hang out in the mikveh for hours what is there to say? When a Rebbe leaves his classroom or recess and sneaks away with only one child, what is there to say. When a Rebbe puts a child on his lap (and we are NOT talking about a 3 year old) and the whole class sees that kid squirming what is there to say. When a Rebbe kisses a 16 year old bochur on the lips, or sneaks into a dorm room at night and touches a sleeping child what is there to say?
Honestly msseeker, maybe YW can start a thread for victims to tell their stories with a disclaimer that these stories are real and painful to read and members should be aware before opening that thread. Victims/survivors need a voice and people such as yourself need to hear the honest truth because it is so hard to understand, and it is so hard to imagine the act itself, who the perps are, how they manage to hide it, and how often and widespread this really is. Also whether it is happening in MO, Yeshivish, Chareidi communities or accross the board and whether this is happening in the home or in the schools or on the streets. Also it is important to hear what these victims and their families were told about reporting their abuse and how it affected them.
It is better that you all hear it first hand from the victims themselves than second hand from myself and other advocates. The best thing would be if a legitimate website would allow the victims to have a voice and be anonymous so that they don’t have to share their shame or reputation or that of their family. In the meantime as I suggested before, please read “HUSH” to just get a small understanding how this can happen, since it is a true story.