modche1-
After one shidduch that you made ,you are now entitled to voice your opinion on shadchanim.
I never made a shidduch but I feel that as a victim of too many shadchanim I am entitled to voice my opinion.
After you set them up and they start going out get ready to become a therapist .
That is part of the problem right there! A shadchan is not a therapist- a shadchan is a go between or an agent. A shadchan has no business doing research or asking for details as to why one of the parties is ending the relationship. Leave that to a Rov or some other professional.
In my opinion it is extremely unfair for the other party to discuss anything with the shadchan as a shadchan can- and will- hold anything against them to the fullest extent. Keep in mind that one may get the wrong impression of another person after meeting them for a few hours and a shadchan will hold it against them for eternity.
From a personal experience- what should have been a 4 hour drive for one date turned into an 8 hour drive due to an accident with numerous fatalities. What should have been a 30 minute drive to the location I was taking her to, turned into a 2 hour drive, also due to the traffic. I asked her if we could go out to eat since I hadn’t eaten in 12 hours but she refused saying that she ate already. (I was asking from a humanitarian point of view, not a social point of view.)
Anyway- she told the shadchan that I’m slow, rude (for yawning too much and for suggesting that we go to eat so late at night) and some other “compliments” to show her gratitude for wasting 36 hours and $150+ on her.
The shadchan never called back with any other suggestions (no big loss). Don’t you think a more appropriate approach would have been to call my Rebbe or family Rav to see if I’m always like this, or maybe I just wasn’t myself due to the circumstances?
To end on a positive note-