AYC – there you go again, speaking my very thoughts. I spent Rosh Hashana trying not to cry (only 3 weeks after her petirah) but Sukkos was too much for me. My sister and I had been the only two left in the city since my parents recently died as well. Her passing left me feeling so lonely for them all. And the saddest part for me was having a birthday on Shabbos Chol Hamoed, when one of them would surely have brought me a ‘birthday pie’ as they always had. I couldn’t stop crying and I just kept wondering if Hashem was disappointed in me for not being b’simcha. I apologized, but I can’t say I repented because the tears did not stop. Your thoughts were my thoughts, is He really expecting any different from me right now? I was considering calling the Rav to ask him.
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